Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
