i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
