I'd wear matching sweaters with you
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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