When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
