I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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