I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
