2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
