tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
