Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
