Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
