You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
