I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
