my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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