Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
