I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
