What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
