Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
