He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
