I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
