Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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