I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
