I think i peed on brittanys purse
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
