Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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