I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
