It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize