Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
