That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My vagina just clenched in fear
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
