I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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