its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
