The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
