Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
