I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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