and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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