Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
