You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I have already put on my inside pants.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
