That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
