I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
