i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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