A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
