In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
