dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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