he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize