...so i touched it.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
