i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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