Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
