cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
