I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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