my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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