using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i dont even know how to be here
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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