So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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