I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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