I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
