Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
