one two three fourrrrnication!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
