I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
