So drunk, too bad you don't want this
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
