Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
