Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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