Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
