I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
