Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
