My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
