Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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