I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
