I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
