Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
