The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
PANTIES FOUND
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
