i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Randomize