I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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