can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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