So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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