i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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